When Staying Feels Harder Than Leaving By Mary Matlack
What was the spark that made you want to move?
Honestly, and no offense to my neighbors, I used to sit in my favorite rocking chair by my front window and watch my neighbors walk their dogs by my house…every damn day. Same people, same sun shade hat, same dog/new dog. I’d watch people get old and use a walker or a helper to do the walkabout and it became a bit depressing. I like to walk and I liked my neighborhood, but this creeping feeling that I need to get out before that’s all I do…walk these streets because they are safe, flat, familiar and there are always flowers blooming. In addition to the walkers making me a bit depressed, I have also always wanted to live outside of California. I have done that in short stints, but really, most of my life has been in California, and since I’m about 1/2 way to really, really old, I feel like it is kind of a now or never situation.
I also felt that our house was a bit empty with no kids around, and I was honestly tired of cleaning it! We knew we wanted to live in a smaller home, and although we loved our house, it needs a family with little kids, and ours are grown.
Where are you moving from/to?
We are moving from San Jose, CA to a small, furnished cabin in Pagosa Springs Colorado (read…no room for household items) that we will use as a home base. We don’t plan to live there, though. It is too small to live in for any real length of time – we’ve tried – but it will be nice to have place of our own to retreat to when needed. Our huge amount of stuff is stored in a locker in Colorado and one in California, but our plan is to be nomadic and to slow travel for a few years or as long as we are enjoying it. By slow travel, I mean that we will try to spend a month or so in a destination rather than moving around every few days. We’ve already started, with an apartment in Saint Paul, MN, for two months. We’ve been visiting here for about five years, and just last weekend was the first time we’ve been able to buy food at the farmers market – because we are actually here long enough to eat it! I look forward to that kind of thing while we are traveling – getting to know the local baker, butcher, and grocer.
What’s the hardest thing or the biggest challenge about moving? Any advice you wish you had before you moved?
Sorting, packing and decision making is all very overwhelming. I suppose for some folks it is easy, but I love my things and have a large collection of things that spark a lot of joy. So deciding what to get rid of is very hard for me. Since we don’t have a particular place to move to, the decision-making was that much harder.
What is the fun part, or something funny or unexpected?
I loved finding things that I had forgotten about – notes from kids, old costumes, and all of the things I kept only because I had the space…those were easy to discard!
What is it about moving that you value so much that you intend to do it a lot?
I don’t really intend to do it a lot, but I do think that moving helps remind us of what is important. I had many people tell me that they would love to move, but they could never because they have too much stuff. I get that, 100%, but at the same time that, for me, is not a reason to say no to moving. To be weighed down by stuff to the point of being stuck is not a place I want to be. I often would joke that I can’t move because I love my bed so much, or because I love my kitchen. Both are true, but still…not good reasons to stay when change is calling.
How important is it to have a backup plan?
Always have a backup plan. You don’t even have to have a plan – there is always something you can fall back on. Our cabin is our backup plan. If we don’t like traveling, we will go back there, regroup, and decide what’s next.
You are in the travel industry. How does this inform your views on moving?
I love to see new places and make new connections. That’s what I think I love most about travel. Moving is similar. I have lived in the same area for nearly 50 years, and my habits and preferences are pretty much set. It is really hard to change patterns that are so ingrained. I look forward to settling in a new place and seeing the world through a new lens. I hope travelers have the same experience. I always try to build in space in the trips I plan – for serendipity and charm. Habit and traditions have their place – I look forward to building new habits as I travel and new traditions when we land in our new home.
Mary loves to host visitors. She uses clothespins with visitor's names for their cloth napkin, so they know which is theirs. They also are great reminders of fun times around the table.
Find Mary on Instagram here or on her website
*This article appeared in Amber's Update Newsletter October 2025*
